Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Nothing is easy; Everything is a blessing

Here's the game since my last post: I wore one of those silicon wristband (mine was from the MS Society and said "HOPE" on it) to remind me to fake cheerfulness. Every time I noticed it, I said to myself: "Nothing is easy. Everything is a blessing."

The first thought is to combat the impatience and anger I feel when what used to be effortless things (typing. for instance) are difficult and slow. I know it's not exactly a positive thought and those folks who practice affirmations would be horrified by it. It's easy for me, though, to want to give up when I can't do what I used to be able to do. I watched a video, once, of an artist with Cerebral Palsy. That guy worked very hard to pick up a brush and move it across the canvas. "Would art would pull me hard enough to keep at it if it were that difficult?" I wondered. I hope so. "Nothing is easy" releases me from fear of discomfort.

The second thought is to steer me towards gratitude. I am lucky. I am around people who love and/or tolerate me gracefully. I live in abundance far beyond my basic needs. The inconveniences I face because of my disability really are just that (inconvenient).

I kept the wristband on for three days.

I'm not sure I was noticeably easier to be around; I kind of doubt it. I felt better, though--less ornery. The effect lasted for a couple days after I stopped wearing the wristband.

Then my primary scooter broke down. I can't walk anymore, so that was A Big Deal. Luckily (blessedly), I have a backup scooter. After an evening in the manual wheelchair (and THAT's harder than it used to be!), I switched to the little portable scooter. Until about nine months ago, that little scooter was all I had. When I got the larger, more comfortable, one it took a while to get used to it. I was hoping switching back would be. well, easy. (A techie co-worker suggested I wanted to be able to "reset to defaults.") Nope. Cuz nothing is easy. Add ninety degree heat and surging (or is it dropping?) hormones.

I missed two transfers yesterday (spent time on the van floor waiting for rescue but a long lost friend called while I was waiting) and then had to ask for lots of help. More chances to practice patience, humility and gratitude. Catch the rhythm?

Still, orneriness is on the rise again. Where did I put that wristband?

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